When You Come Home From Work And Two Snakes Are Dangling From The Ceiling You Have No Choice But To Burn Your House Down

 

Light that motherfucker on fire. I don’t care if the baby is napping or the wife is in the bathroom, you grab the family dog and you get the fuck out of there. Gasoline all up on that bitch and set it aflame. You cannot live in a house where snakes dangle from the ceiling. You just can’t. Even if you can get them out somehow, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You’ll turn every corner and see snakes. When I lived in New York, one of my apartments had mice (fairly common thing they don’t tell you when you mov to New York). Well guess what happens? You kill the mice, and then you stay awake all night because every sound you hear you think is a mouse. In the kitchen, in your room, scurrying through the walls. Everything is a mouse. And this dude, Mark Hyatt, has SNAKES just skydiving out of the ceiling. You have to burn the place. Have to, have to, have to.

But what did Mark do instead? Lookit:

Mark, you fucking dick head. Snake just willy nilly slithering through your house now? There’s not an insurance company alive that would care if he blew the entire thing up with dynamite. It’s really his only option.